Just Give Me One Last Kiss

By now, any retard who's been chained to the wall of his parents' basement all his life even knows that Zach Braff needed to reinvent his career. Sure, Mr. Braff could have sailed on with that lovably inept boy-next-door persona he honed so effortlessly on "Scrubs" and then carried through to his first starring role in a major motion picture, Garden State. "But we need to see a deeper side of Zach Braff," I said in a lecture to my cinema studies students on February 12, 2004. "Braff needs to delve into his emotional reserves and leave this kid's stuff for Ashton Kutcher." And now, what are audiences all over America doing? They're flocking to theaters to see a more grown-up Mr. Braff take charge in The Last Kiss, a remake of an Italian film. That's right. An Italian film. Vindicated.