Me So Sorry

By now, it's time for me to come clean. Over the course of these past few months, it has been my pleasure and an absolute honor to blog for each and every one of you. You have touched my life in ways I never thought imaginable. You trusted me with your faith and your time. For that I am grateful. But I have not been completely honest with you. In fact, I have betrayed your trust. I have been deceitful, and now I must atone. Specifically, I chided a man for leading a large congregation of Christians while secretly boinking fellow meth addicts in underground massage parlors. I poked fun at this man. It was wrong of me. For that I am sorry. What I failed to tell you is that this man and I are not so dissimilar, and it is hypocritical of me to make fun of his hypocrisy. You see, Ted Haggard led the pleasant life of a devoted family man by day and snorted meth off of cum-soaked poop holes by night. I, in a similar vein, lead the fast-paced life of a hard-working bachelor by day and then make love to a roomful of hunnies on a blanket of cash bills all damn night long. That is the secret I've harbored for years. Now all I can do is move forward. Always forward. Always vindicated.