Queen Moves to Pee Now

By now, Vladimir Kramnik should be finished. He's been in there an hour. Well, the world chess championship got backed up today when officials locked current leader Kramnik out of his private restroom after charges of cheating by his opponent, Veselin Topalov. Kramnik was insulted and refused to play. "This is below my dignity," he said as a discolored spot appeared and grew larger on the front of his khakis. Before the lock-out, Kramnik reportedly took excessively long trips to the restroom. I don't see why his behavior was allowed to continue for so long. Everybody knows the Kramnik Toilet Takedown is the oldest way to cheat in the book. Basically, you go to the restroom, think about your strategy really hard, go back to the table, and hopefully by then your opponent will be asleep, so you can move around any pieces you like. Vindicated.