Coldplay Lead Singer is Very, Very, Very Excited

By now, everybody's heard about how Coldplay frontman Chris Martin stood on the stage of the Estadio River Plate last week, in front of hundreds of hungry Argentine fans, and unashamedly wet his pants. It was the last leg of the band's Latin America tour, and as the last chords of "God Put a Smile on Your Face" rang out, Martin started yelling excitedly into the microphone about having written the "best song ever," and apparently lost control of his bladder.
"Hey! Hey! Hey, listen to me!" he began. A hush came over the crowd as Martin jerked his knees and stood up on his tip-toes to get their attention. "Guess what I did! Guess!" he shouted. The crowd applauded wildly, having no idea of what was coming next, and Martin just got more excited and began stomping on the stage and trying to bend the mic stand. "Hey! Hey! Hey, guess what! I just wrote the best song ever! Best song ever!" Martin then attempted to lead the crowd in a chant of "best song ever," and most of the fans joined him - that is, until they noticed a heavy, dark stain gathering at his crotch.
"He goes pee. Right in front of everybody, he goes pee," said spectator Edmundo Federico. "What happened?"
The general consensus seems to be that Chris Martin was on drugs that night. But I'm here to tell you that that's just the way he is. I met Martin once. It was a little less than a year ago, and all he could talk about was how he had just made the "best Mother's Day card ever." He then stopped moving and quickly walked away to the bathroom, several drops of urine dotting his path. Vindicated.