We Have Ways of Getting Around the U.S. Supreme Court
By now, you must realize the risk I take in going through with your partial-birth abortion. The Supreme Court upheld a ban against it about a week ago. Can I trust you to keep your mouth shut? To be absolutely certain you do, I'll be replacing the dead fetus with a small tracking device inside your womb. From this day forth, I will know your every step within a ten-foot radius. If at any time I need to find you, you will be found. If you do decide to blab this to anyone, I will find you and sew your mouth shut, much like, in a short while, I'll be sewing up your torn vagina. If you're a narc, I will abort your face. Now, let me explain how this will go. I'm going to give you this mask. You're going to put it on and breathe deeply. You'll get sleepy. Then, I'm going to finish you off by squeezing this nerve on your neck. Once you're unconcious, I will not terminate the pregnancy before extracting the dead fetus, which is the only legal method of aborting a fetus at this time, but will instead perform the now illegal procedure of pulling the fetus partially out of the womb before terminating its life. I will do this not because partial-birth is the safest method at this term in your pregnancy, but simply because I enjoy it the most. I enjoy watching a life's full potential get sapped at the end of my syringes and scalpels. It is truly the only thing that gives me joy anymore. Sure, other doctors only used the procedure for about 0.11% of all abortions. It was a last resort in preserving a woman's health and left to the discretion of the doctor. But for me, it was always the abortion method of choice. I wish I had a wife just so I could get her pregnant and partial-birth abort all of our babies. But enough about me. What will you name your abortion? You simply must give it a name. How about "Juliet"? Listen, give me your hand. Let us pray before we go through with this. What shall we pray for? Ah, yes, we shall pray for the only thing I love more than aborting things: saving the lives of death row inmates. Vindicated.
By now, you must realize the risk I take in going through with your partial-birth abortion. The Supreme Court upheld a ban against it about a week ago. Can I trust you to keep your mouth shut? To be absolutely certain you do, I'll be replacing the dead fetus with a small tracking device inside your womb. From this day forth, I will know your every step within a ten-foot radius. If at any time I need to find you, you will be found. If you do decide to blab this to anyone, I will find you and sew your mouth shut, much like, in a short while, I'll be sewing up your torn vagina. If you're a narc, I will abort your face. Now, let me explain how this will go. I'm going to give you this mask. You're going to put it on and breathe deeply. You'll get sleepy. Then, I'm going to finish you off by squeezing this nerve on your neck. Once you're unconcious, I will not terminate the pregnancy before extracting the dead fetus, which is the only legal method of aborting a fetus at this time, but will instead perform the now illegal procedure of pulling the fetus partially out of the womb before terminating its life. I will do this not because partial-birth is the safest method at this term in your pregnancy, but simply because I enjoy it the most. I enjoy watching a life's full potential get sapped at the end of my syringes and scalpels. It is truly the only thing that gives me joy anymore. Sure, other doctors only used the procedure for about 0.11% of all abortions. It was a last resort in preserving a woman's health and left to the discretion of the doctor. But for me, it was always the abortion method of choice. I wish I had a wife just so I could get her pregnant and partial-birth abort all of our babies. But enough about me. What will you name your abortion? You simply must give it a name. How about "Juliet"? Listen, give me your hand. Let us pray before we go through with this. What shall we pray for? Ah, yes, we shall pray for the only thing I love more than aborting things: saving the lives of death row inmates. Vindicated.
posted by Vindicated at 12:52 PM
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