Trash Time

By now, the Waste Management company better step it up, or I'm taking my business elsewhere. What's that, you say? There's really nowhere else I can go? Well, that makes no sense to me because I've seen a number of Waste Management commercials on TV. Why would they advertise to me if they're my only choice? I mean, whenever I see a group of young people on the screen, dancing and singing a Pepsi jingle, I go out and buy some Pepsi. But when I see a dump truck rolling around on the screen, what am I supposed to do? I guess it makes sense that a company whose sole purpose is to dispose of things would so callously toss off money on pointless national TV spots. I asked the students in my third grade social studies class what they thought about all this. And then they pointed to a construction paper chart I made for them over summer break. They told me that when it comes to trash, we all have to remember our R's: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Regenerate, Repair, Restock, Regroup, Rework, Repaint, Rewind, Refuse, Retire, Remorse, Reproach, Resize, Recriminate, and Don't Litter. And also Reduce. I gave each student a Pokemon sticker, and then I told them about what else we can do to save the environment. Their assignment, to be completed by the time we return from Thanksgiving break, is to create an anaerobic digestion program in their household and to create a system of pyrolosis and gasification; all inorganic waste must be converted into an inert vitrified glass, and there will be bonus points for the student whose plasma reactor discriminates between the fewest different types of waste. There will an automatic F for anyone who tells his or her parents about this. Vindicated.