A Visit to the Funeral Depot, or As I Lay Buying

By now, we all know you only get to bury someone once. You mess up that one burial, and you mess up that one chance to show God and all your neighbors just how luxuriously people in your family wish they had lived. "We send our corpses out in style," is what you want to say. Personally, I've never understood this, and I've known for a long time that I want to be cremated once I die. After which, my ashes will be mixed into a broth, which is then to be consumed by all surviving members of my immediate family. (Any wife I've had for more than a year will be included in this group.) I recognize my funeral will be uncommon, but that's the way I've planned it, and I can't change it now. For more conservative readers, I can however, recommend a few coffin designs I happened to come across. These are real. Here are my top three :

This one is called "Remembrance of Things I Killed."

And this one is called "Remembrance of a Tragedy More Important Than My Death."

And my favorite: "Remembrance of Tact." Vindicated.